Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
