remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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