I think my fart just growled at me.
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Randomize
