i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Tuesday Boozeday turned into What-the-fuck-were-you-thinking Wednesday real fast.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
