i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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