First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
