My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
