I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Just pee around me
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
