so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
