Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
