what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize
