I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
