first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Randomize
