sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
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