Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Green mimosas i think yes
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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