i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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