Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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