Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
