isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
