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• (443): View more from Maryland

  its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten

  (301): View more from Maryland

  so glad i banged her when she was skinny

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• (603): View more from New Hampshire

  you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway

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• (908): View more from New Jersey

  you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"

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• (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...

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• (585): View more from New York

  In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?

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• (586): View more from Michigan

  you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer

  (1-586): View more from Michigan

  Ok let me change into clothes i can run in

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• (605): View more from South Dakota

  You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."

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• (916): View more from California

  You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."

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• (775): View more from Nevada

  Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper

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• (262): View more from Wisconsin

  My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.

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• (585): View more from New York

  Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump

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• (904): View more from Florida

  UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.

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