Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
