fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Randomize
