me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.