Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Randomize
