No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
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how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
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Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.