batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.