John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
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