Texts From Last Night

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  (972): View more from Texas

  the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool

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  (972): the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool http://tfl.nu/pe2b
  Replies (13) Good night (679) Bad night (1015)
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  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport

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  (484): New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport http://tfl.nu/5bf4
  Replies (40) Good night (4131) Bad night (628)
• Favorite

  (562): View more from California

  that was a gay-test. you passed.

  (1-562): View more from California

  with flying rainbow colors i hope!

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  (562): that was a gay-test. you passed. (1-562): with flying rainbow colors i hope! http://tfl.nu/yxlu
  Replies (13) Good night (3968) Bad night (749)
• Favorite

  (802): View more from Vermont

  You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?

  (1-802): View more from Vermont

  The one in Montpelier?

  (802): View more from Vermont

  yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.

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  (802): You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns? (1-802): The one in Montpelier? (802): yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed. http://tfl.nu/hzcv
  Replies (53) Good night (628) Bad night (2353)
• Favorite

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.

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  (973): how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me. http://tfl.nu/ql7e
  Replies (19) Good night (4474) Bad night (2147)
• Favorite

  (901): View more from Tennessee

  I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.

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  (901): I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko. http://tfl.nu/cca0
  Replies (8) Good night (3068) Bad night (1108)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.

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  (402): Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples. http://tfl.nu/nrga
  Replies (5) Good night (1263) Bad night (2380)
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  (253): View more from Washington

  I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.

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  (253): I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight. http://tfl.nu/4pnr
  Replies (12) Good night (3459) Bad night (1035)
• Favorite

  (734): View more from Michigan

  I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.

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  (734): I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now. http://tfl.nu/ty03
  Replies (5) Good night (3581) Bad night (874)
• Favorite

  (402): View more from Nebraska

  You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.

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  (402): You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee. http://tfl.nu/tlaj
  Replies (13) Good night (1077) Bad night (2122)
• Favorite

  (540): View more from Virginia

  I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?

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  (540): I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present? http://tfl.nu/y1uu
  Replies (22) Good night (1914) Bad night (783)
• Favorite

  (478): View more from Georgia

  Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."

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  (478): Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like." http://tfl.nu/6r4y
  Replies (6) Good night (1239) Bad night (760)
• Favorite

  (508): View more from Massachusetts

  Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives

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  (508): Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives http://tfl.nu/526e
  Replies (5) Good night (382) Bad night (962)
• Favorite

  (+61): View more from Australia

  I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.

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  (+61): I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip. http://tfl.nu/819n
  Replies (4) Good night (387) Bad night (576)
• Favorite

  (512): View more from Texas

  He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.

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  (512): He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker. http://tfl.nu/4xj0
  Replies (5) Good night (446) Bad night (331)

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