I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
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2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
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He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.