Only a mothe r could love this liver
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
