Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
