I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
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I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
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I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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