Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
