All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
Randomize
