i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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