I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
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Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
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Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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