I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize