he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
