I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
