you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
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