I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
