it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I pour the whiskey from now on
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
