btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
