the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Randomize
