Moan for me like Helen Keller
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
The Olympian is in my bed
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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