i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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