your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
