Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
cat food counts as protein by the way
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
