Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
