About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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