i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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