2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
