The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
