you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
