It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
