So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
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