Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
Randomize
