When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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