Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
