I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
