The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Randomize
