Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
