he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
