the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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