pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
