She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
