I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Randomize
