3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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