____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
